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I've recently been getting anxiety about certain things. My mind would be messing with me, making me think things like "you may be friends with all the kids in your school but what if they're fake?" or things like "they all hate you". My mind would also randomly dig up things in the past just to point out evidence that all my so called friends are "fake" and it would kill me inside. I didn't want to talk about it to my friends or anyone because my mind would also make me think that it would make me a "toxic" and "needy" person. My mind would dig up all my past mistakes and make me think I am a villan to everyone, and that I was also a human parasite. I just kept fighting it and I didnt tell anyone about it. The weirdest thing is that everything has been going well for me and I dont have any quarrel with anyone at my school. But I cant help but have this dream..... I was at a fair full of people and even all the kids at my school, and strangers and other people. I would run into a friend and greet them, but all of them reacted negatively. ALL of the friends would. For example: The first friend, we were good friends but not super close you know. I went up to her to greet her but she seemed confused, creeped out, like she didn't even remember me. Like all the good memories of me and her were just.. gone. The second friend, was my best friend I've known for 5 years. In real life she had curly, long hair. But in this dream her hair was straight and medium length. So next, I went up to the second friend, complimented her hair, then have her a hug. She shoved me away and said I was creepy and that everyone at the school thought the same way. The weirdest thing is. I was known to be the "popular but kind" Kid that was friends and cool with everyone. This dream felt so real. After I met her in the dream, I would try to meet one school friend after another. They would all just act like they don't remember me and that I was a stranger. I greeted all the friends I knew. and they all traded me in an unfriendly way. Then this one kid that I didnt know of, appeared in my dream and just yelled out things like "Why do you even think that people like you? whats wrong with you?? Why are you so creepy everyone hates you!" Things like that. and I replied with things like "I dont understand..... I thought I was friends with them" We had a argument then mystery girl attacked me. I hit her in the face and pushed her off. Then I ran to a corner to pick up a high heel boot. She ran and tried to tackle me, then the lights went out and it was pitch black. I used the heel of the boot to hit her in the head repeatedly and get her off of me, then the lights were back on. The mystery girl was gone. There was nothing but a boot and blood on my hands. A teacher runs up to me and yells at me "Why did you do this?!?!?" And I just replied with "There's no such thing as real friends" and then I woke up. Crying more than I needed to. And now I have to know what it all means. like why was i at the fair?!?! why did all my friends turn against me? Why did I kill someone for self defense?
2017-02-25 19:46:46
Before I went to bed, I had millions of thoughts running in my head, I was concerned for my grandfather who was hospitalized due to multiple organ dysfunction. He was very serious and all I had in my head was the fear of losing him. It was really difficult for me to close my eyes and these thoughts kept running in my mind for hours. When I slept, I had a dream about my best friend who had passed away 1 year back. His name was Saif, a tall, skinny guy with a whitish skin complexion and a heart full of love for his closed ones. He died in an accident on his way to his math tuition from home. That accident caused him to die on the spot, his hand literally got separated from rest of his body and so did his leg. Coming back to my dream, I was sitting in a movie theatre with my cousin gang and the theatre screen was black and blank.. We kept on shifting seats and then finally managed to find the perfect seats and sat their comfortably until I got a call on my phone. It was Saif’s mother she asked to take a taxi and come to the hospital. I rushed leaving behind my bag, got a taxi for myself and asked the driver to take me. Then out of nowhere, I could see Saif sitting beside me. He was wearing a black t-shirt and a black jeans and black shoes as well. His hand was bleeding from his shoulder to the tip of his fingers and at some areas, his flesh underneath was visible. I still remember his exact words which said “Mehroze, see how badly I am injured, its hurting so bad” in my mother tongue, Urdu. I tried to console him all long and asked him not to worry and said that I was right there with him. Then my eyes kept zooming towards his injured hand and just like we zoom in pictures from our phone. Then out of nowhere I was standing in the hospital along with my family. My grandfather was lying on bed and my dad, my dad’s brother, his sister, my grandma and my favorite cousin brother and sister were standing around him. We were worried for my grandfather. We were crying looking at his condition. My grandfather also had Alzheimer’s. He said ‘I want to go home, this is not my home’ and my dad in return replied saying something which I don’t seem to remember and then my grandfather said something in return too. What was strange was that, my grandfather was not the same in my dream. The man whom I saw in my dream was a short, hefty, fair man with a long white beard and hump back. He was wearing greyish blue clothes and was totally opposite of my grandfather who was tall, thin and white. Then I remember myself walking all the way to Saif. He was admitted in the ICU and I saw him lying there with his oxygen pipe from the window pane. Then I woke up. Feelings: When I woke up I was really scared and worried. I recalled my dream and wondered what it meant. It wasn’t usual for me to see Saif in my dream since he had passed away. At the same time I was worried for my grandfather. Before I could do anything else. I got off my bed and stood up to pray both for Saif and my grandfather. I knew I had already lost my best friend and I didn’t want to lose my grandfather. I was crying in prayers and I was constantly worried.
2017-02-25 05:35:57


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