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I ASKED FOR A REASON TO CARRY ON LIVING, I AM DRAWN TO A PATCH OF NETTLES, THAT JUST PART AS I APPROACH REVEALING A TRAPDOOR,I GO DOWN SOME STEPS, THERE IS A CORRIDOR WITH WITH COBRAS SITTING ON STONE BLOCKS EACH SIDE , EACH ONE HAS A CROWN WITH A PEARL. THEY BOW THEIR HEADS TO THE GROUND AS I WALK PAST THEM, LIFTING THEM BACK UP ONCE I HAVE PASSED. AT THE END OF THE CORRIDOR THERE IS A GIANT COBRA WITH A GIANT CROWN AND A GIANT PEARL, I BOW MY HEAD AS THE GIANT COBRA BOWS HIS, I FEEL A WEIGHT UPON MY HEAD, I RAISE MY HEAD AND THE CROWN IS NW UPON MY HEAD, SHRUNKEN TO A PERFECT FIT, THE GIANT COBRA STAYS WITH HIS HEAD BOWED, I WALK BACK THROUGH THE CORRIDOR, THERE ARE GEMS ON THE FLOOR WHICH I KNOW I MUST NOT STOP TO GAZE UPON. THE SMALLER COBRAS BOW AS I PASS AS BEFORE, THE GIANT COBRA KEEPS HIS HEAD BOWED UNTIL I EXIT THE TRAPDOOR.

I dreamt there were two big, softball-sized beetles chewing through the pavers on my back patio to get to something underneath... or maybe to lay eggs. I was so pissed that they were destroying my patio, I ran inside and grabbed the first thing my hand touched from a kitchen drawer. I killed one of them with a meat tenderizer and the other one took off and scurried into my house and into the laundry room (which I don't have). When I got in there, there was a young cat (which I don't have) sitting on a shelf. I thought the beetle had turned into the cat and I popped him on the head. No, I didn't kill him.

Oh, the celebration could be heard as I enter the courtyard; people dancing in line, torch light blowing in a slight breeze. “Zsu!” Patrizia gathers me in her arms and draws me into the row of revelers. Joy! Dancing, laughing, and merriment! Excitement on the ground and ecstatic energy in the air! Various beautiful people feel the drink and gaiety. I stop exuberated by the tables of food, famished by the traveling. There is so much to eat ???adjusted to between the drumming, strings, long lines of people holding hands weaving in and out, and around! I can’t decide what not to choose to eat when a tall man stares down at me, smiling. “Hello.” I say. “Hello,” he says back. I grab some prsut, sausage, cheese, and reach for the honey when, “Not yet!” young Lydia grins and pulls me into the weave. Mr. Beautiful quietly reaches for my plate and when I return, I find him sitting licking his fingers. “I would like some more!” “Indeed, as would I!” Returning to the table, with candles, and plates of fruit, cheese, olives, he introduces himself, half shy half forward. “I am kin to Mirabella.” “Kristo, I know of you. You paint.” He puts prsut on her plate and reaches for a wine goblet, ignoring the wine. “Awkward silence,” he finally says. * The night sky lit up, vibrant and full of stars. The moon hung over a branch of her favorite tree when the first guests arrived. Carriages and horses began to align the drive. She left behind the idea that any hope in salvaging what remained of this “marriage” with Istven. Zsuzanna needed to return to her roots for inner guidance and the wisdom of (name of older woman mentor). Musicians played their pipes and strings, drumming set the pace of the dance. Zsuzanna stood gazing out over this Eden when someone grabbed her from behind to join in the line dance. Hoisting her skirts she forgot her woes, and partook in the merriment. Krsto was present. His family held a long loyal alliance with various noble lineage, and he her only kinship with the world he wished to forget.

1697 - There is a feeling blackness and desolation where once productivity and sense of community took place. “When I arrived, windows were closed up; tapestries covering windows. You could tell there was pillaging and evacuation with the arrival of this new emerging power. Where when I arrived, it was flourishing. The thick walled gates have been damaged. When it once smelled earthy, now is stench and filth. Now it is just a castle in the middle of nowhere with occasional lost chicken or animals running loose. 1697 KRK – ah, a stoney sectional-multi level house surrounded by cypress and pale yellow roses. The cliff drops off to one side, sloping down into the water. Deep blue water. The furniture here is not as thick and woodsy as (Lika castle) but more primitive of animal skin. There is a window that looks out into the water. Sun shines through it! Terraces looking out over cliffs. There is a small kitchen, where of, course, I love to spend time. Herbs grow in windows, and bouganvilla in pots. I don’t really feel cold, but love the smell of wood burning in a stove. When we arrived, walls were cracked and there were no potted plants of color. There is a little notch of a private cove were we dock a wooden boat. Sometimes at night, we would take a lantern and fish for silver fish. They are drawn to the light. We keep a mule for carrying provisions up. A goat. Some chickens, some pigs. Our diet is mostly fish and vegetables, cheese I make. You make cheese? I laugh, yes. Cook has been with me a long time. She has been my right and left angel wings. Lost her husband about five years ago, all knotty fingered from years of hard hard work. Never a complaint. You need to remember that we have to be discreet, in hiding. No music. No friends. Little laughter. A lot of contemplation. A time to tell my story. Sometimes, my eyes are so weighed down with the darkness of death. Here I don’t have to dress in accordance with the social status of my relations.

One day I hope women will be able to marry for love instead of alliances, political ties, or as property. I will never see that in my lifetime.” 1696-Mari gives birth to girl in september 1696 EARTHQUAKE – KRK 1696: JUDITA’s story 1696 MARCH – The Last Supper 1696 judita and the convent: 4 women and Giuliana (and female cousin b. 51) go to Zagreb 3x over two months – floor plan of convent; review layout. Cousing started plot in 95 with goal of Judita to meet with Jelena in 97. 1696 APRIL Patrizia kidnapped while 3 months pregnant—where and how 1696 february MARI MARRIES ISTVEN 1696 TRUTHS REVEALED JUDITA 1696 SEPT OCT NOV Patrizia tortured by spiders: May kidnapped (how?) While being held in Ozalj, they heard her screaming from third floor when spider in rooms. Collected spiders from various building to torture her. She sees out of window Mari and Lilli; hears familiar music that Istven played; hears in hallways; servants tell her…. Ransom exchange – how? 1696 NOV – BABY girl BORN nov 2 1697 FEB Patrizia released; baby 3 months old; ransom paid by Nada, older man (who?) Giuliana 70,000 florins/thalers? Patrizia heard and recognized the voice and music of Istvan; had seen Mari and Lili through window in upper rooms; tells of other information and of Igor. Katalin is the source of information; 1698 – 03 – Mari has other lover from Hungary who plays big role in The Hunt 1698 – Istven send a letter and drawing for instruction for a piece of jewelry to merchant house in Zagreb; recognized insignia and brotherhood on alert in person. Details…. 1697, 99, 1700 Plot to get Igor 1696-Zsusanna where? After Patrizia was kidnapped, ……met to discuss where families would go and how to communicate discreetly with one another.

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