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1697 - There is a feeling blackness and desolation where once productivity and sense of community took place. “When I arrived, windows were closed up; tapestries covering windows. You could tell there was pillaging and evacuation with the arrival of this new emerging power. Where when I arrived, it was flourishing. The thick walled gates have been damaged. When it once smelled earthy, now is stench and filth. Now it is just a castle in the middle of nowhere with occasional lost chicken or animals running loose. 1697 KRK – ah, a stoney sectional-multi level house surrounded by cypress and pale yellow roses. The cliff drops off to one side, sloping down into the water. Deep blue water. The furniture here is not as thick and woodsy as (Lika castle) but more primitive of animal skin. There is a window that looks out into the water. Sun shines through it! Terraces looking out over cliffs. There is a small kitchen, where of, course, I love to spend time. Herbs grow in windows, and bouganvilla in pots. I don’t really feel cold, but love the smell of wood burning in a stove. When we arrived, walls were cracked and there were no potted plants of color. There is a little notch of a private cove were we dock a wooden boat. Sometimes at night, we would take a lantern and fish for silver fish. They are drawn to the light. We keep a mule for carrying provisions up. A goat. Some chickens, some pigs. Our diet is mostly fish and vegetables, cheese I make. You make cheese? I laugh, yes. Cook has been with me a long time. She has been my right and left angel wings. Lost her husband about five years ago, all knotty fingered from years of hard hard work. Never a complaint. You need to remember that we have to be discreet, in hiding. No music. No friends. Little laughter. A lot of contemplation. A time to tell my story. Sometimes, my eyes are so weighed down with the darkness of death. Here I don’t have to dress in accordance with the social status of my relations.

In the dream I was standing waiting for an elevator. I was also completely naked standing in front of the doors with my clothes covering my front private area with an abnormally obese man standing next to me calling me all sorts of obscenities. I was fine and didnt mind the names and when the elevator finally arrived I entered and there was a very attractive woman about my age (early 20's) standing there looking at me. After a minute or so of her staring at me she seemed slightly uncomfortable, but said "I understand your attire is somewhat normal for this country (no idea what country we were in) and you seem to be very proud of your body" I responded with "Oh I am, could workout more but for now I'm good". She then started to leave the elevator when it stopped and told me what room she was in and asked if I wanted to get pizza sometime. That's the end of the dream.

I dreamed that I was in a private school. I saw Dr. Maya Angeloou and an old professor of mine which I could not stand. I told off my female profesor and Dr. Maya Angelou told me if told off the professor that I would be asked to leave the school. She then proceeded to ask me how I was going to pay for my room and board and for my tuition. She said that those things were not free and I was obligated to pay all of the money back. I told her that I could afford ten dollars a week and that if that did not suit her that she was welcome to sue me. I exited the doors of the school and then I was back at my brother's old highschool. As I exited the school, it was pitch black out and I could only see a man, dressed in dark clothing, with four huge mastiff dogs. They barked at me and I proceded to walk towards my home when the dogs charged at me. They stopped when the man told them to stop. I then saw a colleague wearing a raincoat and a hankerchief on her head. She was walking toward the park with her dad and the man went after her with one of his dogs. The dogs charged me again and began biting me but it didn't hurt and they couldn't grab onto my arms. I got into the car I was leaned up against and saw the man running towards me and hotwired the car. There was no key in the ignition. I locked the doors as he tried to open one of the car doors and I drove off. I drove up the street and then parked the car on the opposite side of oncoming traffic. I wiped the car down for finger prints and started running for my home. It was pouring rain. I just kept praying to God that my scent and my footprints would be washed away so that man and his dogs couldn't follow me. I got to my house and went to the side door and opened the lower lock but I didn't have a key for the deadbolt. So I ran to the front door and prayed that the light would go out and that the man and his dogs wouldn't see me. I opened the door and hid. I woke up then.

The dream started out nice. I came to see her in the middle of the night and I remember us both smiling and laughing, and she told me I could sleep in her room until morning. In the dream, I woke up to Sydney walking into the room with this look on her face that she always gets when she’s upset or depressed about something. I then remember Sydney’s mom bringing us into another room ‘in private’ and said, “Justin. You can’t see Sydney when you turn 18. You have to break up.” and walked out of the room. All I could say was, “Please don’t do this...” in a choked up voice, “I really love her, please don’t do this to me!”. After this, all I remember is going outside the house to take a walk with Sydney. Holding onto her arm, we were both silent. Speechless. I finally turn to her and say “I’m not going to see other people, you mean so much to me.” Sydney just continues looking ahead with that same depressed look on her face. “Are you?”, I say. She hesitates, opens her mouth, stays like that for a couple seconds without saying a thing, then says, “Sure.” In that moment, my heart broke. This girl I thought who loved me, says she is going to see other people when we break up. Tears begin filling my eyes and running down my face. I’m speechless. I put my face against hers and squeeze her arm tightly. “Please don’t leave me!” I scream. Then she disappeared. I was left on my knees on the concrete, looking at the ground, emotional pain searing through my body. I have never had a thought of suicide in my life. Until then. Until that moment when the girl who means the world to me, disappeared from my arms. A voice in my head still in the dream said, “Justin. You cannot live on without her.”

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