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Dreams ache

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Had a dream that Jill and I haven’t seen each other since our last fight (which would have been the end of August 2013) but we still somehow ended up at a hotel getting married. I remember riding a bus, tram or train from what I assume was the airport (not sure) with her family members and Jimmy Mumby from work. Most of the family seemed a bit redneck, but Jimmy brought out weed and all her family member went crazy trying to smoke it, and even some seemed to have a new method of turning into liquid, and drinking it through a straw. I remember how uncomfortable I felt and I wanted to get away but I was trapped. The driver came back and began handing out what looked like strings with some sort of stick or straw and telling the guys who were smoking that they were going to have to swallow them. I felt relieved thinking he was going to stop them from smoking, but then he yelled out “Just kidding” smoke ‘em if you got’em, or something like that, laughed and went back to driving. The driver was wearing the stereotypical blue pants, driver’s hat and he had a mustache. When I got to the hotel I didn’t know what was going on or how I ended up being in the situation of marrying someone that I haven’t spoken too for months. I remember seeing her in her wedding dress (the old one from when she was 18) and seeing some of her bride’s maids in inappropriate bride’s maid dresses. One bride’s maid had a white dress that was cut to show a lot of skin, bra and panties could be seen. I was suddenly rushed by my mom to change into my suite (cannot remember the exact color but I know it was dark). Something happened to my shirt, can’t really remember but I spilled or dropped something on it, because I remember trying to rub it off. Next thing I know I was shirtless standing in front where the altar would be and a crowd was gathering in the seats and people were pushing me to the front as a protested about being shirtless. I remember still being confused about what I was doing or how I got myself in that position. I remember thinking that I didn’t want to waste everyone’s time and money and feeling pressured to go through with it, and every time I attempted to discuss things with Jill, she wouldn’t acknowledge me, with the exception of telling me what she wanted and how she wanted it to go down. She seemed happy, or at least to everyone else, but we still didn’t talk. I remember feeling pressured about the vows because I wasn’t sure what to say to someone that hurt me so badly and haven’t spoken too in the last six months, but didn’t want to let everyone down. Everything seemed to be rushed as if “if it doesn’t happen right now it will never happen”. Her family seemed to be wearing country clothes including camo hats, had beards and yelled a lot.

Je suis dans une maison. C’est celle de Marie-Pierre mais dans mon rêve, c’est la maison nous nous habitons avec maman et les autres. Nous sommes assis par terre devant le canapé avec Alois, peut être aussi Oriane qui n’est pas loin. Parc contre c’est le salon de Teverga. Je crois que nous ne sommes pas d’accord sur le film que nous désirons voir toute les deux avec Alois. Oriane ne prend pas partie il me semble (si elle est là) elle fait autre chose . Sensation d’énervement, de fatigue, de lourdeur lié à la paresse d’être resté longtemps à ne rien faire il me semble. Ce que reproche Pascal qui arrive, il est énervé, il faut mettre la table, faire à manger.. Je me lève, je ne suis pas fière de notre état de léthargie, je m’aperçois qu’il n’y a presque aucun meuble, le salon est grand, blanc, il me semble qu’il y a des bâches en plastiques transparent tendues sur le mur du fond, derrière le canapé de Teverga, (sur lequel je suis endormie dans la réalité) ce lieu me fais penser a chez tatie Mylene, un grand espace blanc peu meublé et pas décoré. Je me dirige dans la cuisine pour aider, faire quelque chose, en tournant dans un couloir (vide encore) d’un vert étrange, un peu écaillé, unvert Smaragdin,qui est lié à la maison de Marie-Pierre, en fait je pense que le vert de mon rêve est une version plus claire de la moquette en plastique qui recouvre le sol du salon de cette maison, et qui d’ailleur a été en parti abîmé par le feu d’une cheminé. (dans mon rêve, le revêtement du mur était aussi endommagé). J’arrive à la cuisine, (c’est la cuisine de Marie-Pierre) il me semble qu’il y a moins de meubles à mesure que j’avance dans mon rêve- dans la cuisine Pascal est énervé, je m’empresse de mettre la table, avec un sourire affable mais faible,(ici, je ressens un sentiment de honte vague quant à mon comportement, le même que je ressens quand Sylvie me reproche une chose et qu’elle a raison) je vais chercher les couverts (fourchette et couteau) au fond d’une armoire de basse qualité, avec des portes en verres, en fait qui est celle du salon de Teverga où l’on range les verres mais en plus vétuste. Dès que j’ai la tête dans l’armoire je sens une grimace me tordre le visage, je veux pleurer mais aucune larme ne vient. Première pensé : « tu ne vas pas pleurer, tu t’étais dit que tu ne pleurerait plus maintenant »

We went to some kind of acting class and then I was walking home with friends but you weren't there, you had jumped in a taxi, so I left my friends to look for you, but couldn't get hold of you on the phone. All I got was the no signal beep, but then I thought I saw you in a cab, and I ran forward really excitedly. It was an old black man with a grey moustache. Then I saw you going round and round a roundabout in another cab (the english black cabs not your aussie ones), and I called but it went to answer phone, your voice recording, all professional actor style, but then it said you were desperately looking for a room as you had no home. Then you disappeared in the cab and I got lost in the city because I'd left my friends to look for you

Had a dream that Jill and I haven’t seen each other since our last fight (which would have been the end of August 2013) but we still somehow ended up at a hotel getting married. I remember riding a bus, tram or train from what I assume was the airport (not sure) with her family members and Jimmy Mumby from work. Most of the family seemed a bit redneck, but Jimmy brought out weed and all her family member went crazy trying to smoke it, and even some seemed to have a new method of turning into liquid, and drinking it through a straw. I remember how uncomfortable I felt and I wanted to get away but I was trapped. The driver came back and began handing out what looked like strings with some sort of stick or straw and telling the guys who were smoking that they were going to have to swallow them. I felt relieved thinking he was going to stop them from smoking, but then he yelled out “Just kidding” smoke them if you got them, or something like that, laughed and went back to driving. The driver was wearing the stereotypical blue pants, driver’s hat and he had a mustache. When I got to the hotel I didn’t know what was going on or how I ended up being in the situation of marrying someone that I haven’t spoken too for months. I remember seeing her in her wedding dress (the old one from when she was 18) and seeing some of her bride’s maids in inappropriate bride’s maid dresses. One bride’s maid had a white dress that was cut to show a lot of skin, bra and panties could be seen. I was suddenly rushed by my mom to change into my suite (cannot remember the exact color but I know it was dark). Something happened to my shirt, can’t really remember but I spilled or dropped something on it, because I remember trying to rub it off. Next thing I know I was shirtless standing in front where the altar would be and a crowd was gathering in the seats and people were pushing me to the front as a protested about being shirtless. I remember still being confused about what I was doing or how I got myself in that position. I remember feeling anxiety about the hair that might be seen on my back. I remember thinking that I didn’t want to waste everyone’s time and money and feeling pressured to go through with it, and every time I attempted to discuss things with Jill, she wouldn’t acknowledge me, with the exception of telling me what she wanted and how she wanted it to go down. She seemed happy, or at least to everyone else, but we still didn’t talk. I remember feeling pressured about the vows because I wasn’t sure what to say to someone that hurt me so badly and haven’t spoken too in the last six months, but didn’t want to let everyone down. Everything seemed to be rushed as if “if it doesn’t happen right now it will never happen”. Her family seemed to be wearing country clothes including camouflage hats, had beards and yelled or talked super loud.

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